She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
