And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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