i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
