Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
