This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
