talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
