Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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