He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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