true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
