So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
