That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
