having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
