she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
