I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
