I swear she didn't look like that last week.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
