If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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