I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
