okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
