Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
