I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
They should really pass out barf bags in church
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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