I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
