i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Two words: blizzard sex
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
