i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
