As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
