You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
