She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I believe in your delicious
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
