I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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