So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
