i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I intend to get homeless drunk
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
