there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
