I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
