last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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