Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
