Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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