They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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