i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
