So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
