dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i've created a new STD.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
