How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
