I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize