It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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