I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
