You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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