how can u be prego again
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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