my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
