Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We named our party play list daddy issues
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
