the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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