dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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