seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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