WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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